please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
