Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
