I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
