He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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