I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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