I bet he comes in French.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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