She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize