Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
