Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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