apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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