oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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