you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
