dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
