can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize