I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
