someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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