I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
