There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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