Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
