ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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