I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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