so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
