So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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