I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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