Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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