You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
