He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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