we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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