I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
