and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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