you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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