And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
