You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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