Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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