Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
