and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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