omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
