I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
