i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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