oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
