where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
