my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
