You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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