I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize