U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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