eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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