If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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