I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
its not stalking. its research.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
