My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
