Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
