Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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