One girl and one boy is just not enough.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
