Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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