new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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