Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Your penis caused this!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
