Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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