awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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