He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
