The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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