: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
