rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
