Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
