my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
