those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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