Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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