i can't believe i had my finger in that
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
