What a fucking waste of an outfit
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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