How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize