just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
