he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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