I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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